The Seven-Seat Mistake: Why Emotional Intelligence Matters at Work
Years ago, I got some money from my grandpa’s will. I did what any single guy in his mid-20s would do: I invested part of it and gave a portion to charity.
Okay, that’s not true. I bought a 7-passenger SUV with all the bells and whistles.
Seven seats. I was one guy. Most days I didn’t have a single passenger, let alone six. It got horrible gas mileage, but who cares? It was cool! And yes, I “needed” the shiny rims too.
Looking back, I can admit it was a stupid decision.
Why we make bad decisions when we’re excited
Do you ever make bad decisions because you’re too emotional in the moment? Honestly, I think I make most of my poor decisions when I’m excited. I get wrapped up in the moment and act before I’ve really thought through the options and outcomes.
If 25-year-old me had stopped and asked, “How am I feeling right now?” the honest answer would have been “giddy, and holding a check.” That alone should have kept me off the car lot.
Psychologist Walter Mischel is famous for the “marshmallow test.” Kids were offered one marshmallow now, or two if they could wait. I would have eaten the marshmallow, then bought rims for it.
A wrong call on a car is a bummer. A wrong call at work can affect a whole team, a whole department, or a whole company.
Stop and answer these two questions
So let me ask you:
How are you feeling today?
How are the people around you doing?
Now stop reading for a second and actually answer those two questions. I’ll wait.
What is emotional intelligence?
That quick check-in is the heart of emotional intelligence: noticing your own emotions and other people’s, and handling them well. People who are strong at this are said to have a high EQ.
Why EQ matters at work
There’s an old saying: “IQ gets you hired. EQ gets you promoted.”
You can be the smartest person in the building, but if you don’t handle setbacks, stress, and other people well, you won’t be trusted to lead. Teams follow the person who stays steady when things get bumpy.
The good news? Scientists still debate whether IQ can really be improved, but the research on EQ is encouraging. It’s a skill, and skills get better with practice.
Three simple ways to build your EQ
Name it before you decide. Before a big decision, ask yourself how you’re feeling. Excited, angry, and exhausted all lead to the same place: decisions you’ll explain later.
Sleep on the exciting stuff. If you’re thrilled about something, give it 24 hours. If it’s a great idea today, it’ll still be a great idea tomorrow. The SUV would have been. Okay, it wouldn’t have.
End meetings with one word. Instead of the classic “Any thoughts?” (cue silence), I ask everyone for one word that describes how they’re feeling. Any word works, and repeats are allowed. Everyone gets heard, the loudest voices don’t take over, and the quieter folks aren’t put on the spot. In 30 seconds, you know where your team really is.
Want to know your team’s EQ?
Guessing is good. Knowing is better. I deliver TriMetrix EQ assessments and facilitation that show your team exactly where their emotional intelligence is strong and where it can grow. Then we make that growth fun, interactive, and practical.
Learn more about my workshops and keynotes, or reach out to talk about your team.
One last time
So let me ask again: How are you feeling today?
Now go ask someone else how they’re doing. And actually listen to the answer.
